Diwali

16 October. Two more days and it will be Diwali.

Continuing my yapping below.
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On freedom of expression

In school, I was a mediocre student. So while the teachers were yapping in classroom, little I understood them. It wasn’t like I didn’t pay them any attention. It was just that half of the things they said, I didn’t understand and I was meek enough to not ask for a explaination.

All this background info was needed to tell that I have limited information about freedom of expression. I think this is a newly discovered thing among people. Recently I have seen people using this term online

.

What I understand about freedom of expression is, that one is free to say things he wants to say.

This freedom often ends up hurting people. Or maybe it provokes people. People don’t like getting hurt. The thing is kinda selfish. People, these days, are like, I can say whatever I want to say because it is my birthright but if someone offends me then I will not spare them. This freedom should be two-way. If you are free to say what you want to say, then you should also listen to what others have to say. But this isn’t the way. Apparently, people like to talk but they don’t listen.

The Universe and Me

The night sky has stars and a moon. I look at them. The Earth revolves around the Sun and it’s just one of those innumerable stars in Milky way galaxy. This ever expanding Universe has innumerable galaxies and stars. All of it seems so big, it makes my imagination work extra hard. Innumerable stars and innumerable possibilities of anything. All of my worries, regrets, mistakes and stupidities look bleak in face of it. So bleak it makes me question life as I know it.
The wind blows and I still think about the stars, black holes and darkness around them. The sudden rush of knowing that all of human knowledge and achievements and everything said, done or written in human history is just a meagre part of the Earth, which itself is a meagre constituent of the Universe. This knowledge should be humbling. But I tend to forget it in my day-to-day interactions and often revert to my usual persona. So there is it, start from the stars and return to me.
Let me be the center of this Universe,
Ego shall be happy then that everything is about me.

I mixed water with stupidity and guilt and I drank it. It hurts now.

I just did a stupid thing. There’s this whatsapp group which has people. It is meant to be a useful group, just like all whatsapp groups are supposed to be. But it’s just another group where people forward messages in bulk. So this group had some 97 notifications and while checking the messages, I called a girl on whatsapp (I know she was a girl because I read her name). I didn’t want to. I didn’t mean to. But this stupid phone, technology, network, world, hand did it anyway. I am so full of guilt now. I just want to say sorry while hitting my head against the wall while muttering that it won’t happen again. I am taking it too seriously, I know. But I have tried telling myself that all of it was a stupid mistake. But the guilt and what it means kills me bit by bit. It should’ve not happened. Anything like this in on my mind. Guilt is also here. The worst thing about guilt is that it doesn’t come it itself and reveal itself to the world. It stays inside, getting heavy and heavier by each passing moment. I am writing this because I won’t be able to do anything until I get it outside. And this is my escape route.

Things are complicated right now.
I did something and it turned out bad anyhow,
Since both the ends of thing, that is start,
And the end jumbled themselves and did hurt.
Now I sit alone and try to contemplate,
How this guilt is heavy on soul and sorry is great.
All I now pray is for time to fly,
And things shall get over because till then i shall remain shy.

Afterwards, the girl messaged me asking me why I had messaged her. I wrote a long message stating the reason and apologised for the mistake. But still I have this guilt and fear. The fear that she will misunderstand this stupid gesture as a weird chap trying to stalk her and trying to talk to her.

All of it is stupid. And doesn’t make any sense. I should sleep.

कबाड़ी जिंदा होता तो और खुश होते

आज रविवार है। घड़ी की सुइयां चलते हुए आवाज़ करती है। इनकी टिक-टिक के अलावा, मनीपुर गांव में आज शांति है। Continue reading

सफेद रंग की चीजें अब लाल होती है

सफेद रंग की चीजें अब लाल होती है,
मेरे देस में मरे बाद क्रांति होती है।

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दादी बुंदिया

आज कॉलेज जाने को घर से जल्दी निकला था। रोज-रोज आशीष कहा है, कहा है की रट लगाए फ़ोन करता रहता था। आज उसे ये मौका ना देना था।

“रै बेटा कित जावै है?”

मैं गांव के अड्डे की ओर चला जा रहा था। अचानक पीछे से आवाज़ आयी। आवाज़ दादी बुंदिया की थी।

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