I will go

I am going out tonight without any care.

I have given it to the lost sounds of the world,

Who go places with the wandering wind and shout,

To become known to people.
I will go to the desert.

Not because I am a loner or I like the sand in my mouth and eyes and everywhere.

I will go for the simple sun,

And how it gives life to everyone and everything.

I will go there for the night there does not have any secret.

They are long and cold and one part of them is nature, always.
Then I would go up in the sky.

It is foolish to think about flying.

But I like the feel of wind thrashing against my face,

And how it makes my eyes watery.

I will go up in the sky to see how blue they can be,

And what is the point where blue gives way to black.
The point of no return.

Everyone is going there, alone.

I am included too.

But not today or tomorrow,

But someday definitely.

I will go to many places.

I will even go in the future with this baggage of past.

Maybe I will see this longing as it comes to everyone.

And hope.

I will hope for everything good.

But I will not mind bad sometimes.

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Beautiful Things

Beautiful things kill you.
Sometimes they are swift
And sometimes they take their sweet time.
But since we know
What we will find in the end,
We should like them with caution.
Take the snow for example,
The whiteness in front of you will seem pure,
And fluffy.
But once you taste its likeness to the raw edge,
You will run away from it,
Back to your grounds where spring stays forever.

Beautiful things despise the average things of world.
They do not know
That the world itself is average.
A pale reflection of what it was supposed to be.
It isn’t what we thought.
And it’s good because we have time.
I suppose we can make it whole
Before we give it to the ones
Who are next in line.
Thoughts are not beautiful
That’s why I have them.
It is noble that we should save the Earth.
I do not. We will not.

The Earth looks beautiful from space.
It should have beautiful things with it.
They should stay.
We are average folks and
This is the world we inherit.
We are meant to go.
Forever doesn’t mean being stubborn.
It means the beauty of moments shouldn’t stay.
We should go.
Now.

Sick

It is 11 P. M. I am up. Sleep is nowhere.

This world. I don’t know what kind of a place this was, and has become. I was reading newspaper, the Hindustan Times. I saw this news and now mind is sick.

I am not sure of the feeling I have right now. It’s mixed. There’s disgust, rage, shame and a lot more I can’t recognise.

I want to write long paragraphs, condemning these horrible acts. I can’t. I am numb with an inability to act on anything specific.

I mixed water with stupidity and guilt and I drank it. It hurts now.

I just did a stupid thing. There’s this whatsapp group which has people. It is meant to be a useful group, just like all whatsapp groups are supposed to be. But it’s just another group where people forward messages in bulk. So this group had some 97 notifications and while checking the messages, I called a girl on whatsapp (I know she was a girl because I read her name). I didn’t want to. I didn’t mean to. But this stupid phone, technology, network, world, hand did it anyway. I am so full of guilt now. I just want to say sorry while hitting my head against the wall while muttering that it won’t happen again. I am taking it too seriously, I know. But I have tried telling myself that all of it was a stupid mistake. But the guilt and what it means kills me bit by bit. It should’ve not happened. Anything like this in on my mind. Guilt is also here. The worst thing about guilt is that it doesn’t come it itself and reveal itself to the world. It stays inside, getting heavy and heavier by each passing moment. I am writing this because I won’t be able to do anything until I get it outside. And this is my escape route.

Things are complicated right now.
I did something and it turned out bad anyhow,
Since both the ends of thing, that is start,
And the end jumbled themselves and did hurt.
Now I sit alone and try to contemplate,
How this guilt is heavy on soul and sorry is great.
All I now pray is for time to fly,
And things shall get over because till then i shall remain shy.

Afterwards, the girl messaged me asking me why I had messaged her. I wrote a long message stating the reason and apologised for the mistake. But still I have this guilt and fear. The fear that she will misunderstand this stupid gesture as a weird chap trying to stalk her and trying to talk to her.

All of it is stupid. And doesn’t make any sense. I should sleep.

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