Stupid Things in Night (Chapter – 3)

I listen to songs. Romantic, sad, songs which have heartbreak and unfaithful lover in themes. Nothing works, for I feel nothing after listening to them. They just do not seem to affect me at all. Hardly a surprise, given I have never dabbled in matters of love and heartbreaks. All I know about it, is from movies and music videos. My friends in school told me things. But those seem more like juvenile fantasies now.

Two more days. Still no reply. I have given up hopes of receiving a message from her. I do not blame her. There is much more important things in life than replying to one’s hi message on Internet. I hope it comes true for me also.

It is a moonless night. I think about love, its scarcity in life. Nothing comes up in mind. Why do I even think about this subject? I have no answer.

It might have to do with my loneliness. But what is loneliness in its truest sense? I have people to talk to. I talk to them. Is loneliness something people face in the night when they are left to themselves? If yes, then I have been having too much of it. It is, the silence of night is apt for a deep sleep. But for the sleepless folks, it is the music of worries, regrets and issues pervading them.

It is unknown to me if I talk sense. Or what I think is right by other people. It is an unusual thing for a silent person to want someone dear to talk about things.

It is night, and I wonder if I am too woke to make sense.

••

I do not remember any of my dreams. I also wonder if I have an inability to visualise a dream in the first place. I remember things which happened, sometimes people and places, memories but not dreams.

Are dreams infinite, in sense that they are beyond the limits of reality?

If yes, then I wonder if I can dream about someone to talk to and possibly heartbreaks too.

Sleep does not come. I want to have a dream, right now.

I am the popular lad. I am the obedient son. I excel in sports and studies. People love me. No one envies me. Girls are madly in love with me. Teachers view me as someone who would make them proud one day in future.

I do not fear anyone or anything. My pictures on Instagram and Facebook receive thousand of likes and shares. People praise me in comments. Whatever written in my captions and wall is regarded as absolute philosophy of the highest order.

I have a girlfriend. She loves me and I love her. I go on long drives with her. She tells me about her deepest desires and secrets she never revealed to anyone.

Success is the only thing which happens whenever I try a new thing. Be it music, musical instruments, writing or even filmmaking. I am brilliant at whatever I do and people and my parents love me for it.

I am a good person. I never did harm anyone. I donate blood and I am an organ donor. I do social work and I teach kids in my free time. Kids love me and they call me ‘Bade Bhaiya.’

I am on good terms with my friends, be old or new ones. Relatives are fond of me. They pray for my wellbeing.

Life is good. And I am the human equivalent of the philosopher’s stone. Everything I touch becomes good.

I have managed to make Earth a better place by bringing real peace. People treat each other with respect now. I have treated AIDS and Cancer and global warming and hate.

The weather is good now. Pollution is non-existent along with nuclear weapons. The world does not have any problem, for it is basically a big family now. Vasudheva Kutumbakam.

A dream like this, is far-fetched even for the most imaginative person. I seek sleep, a place away from this nonsense.

••••

I will go

I am going out tonight without any care.

I have given it to the lost sounds of the world,

Who go places with the wandering wind and shout,

To become known to people.
I will go to the desert.

Not because I am a loner or I like the sand in my mouth and eyes and everywhere.

I will go for the simple sun,

And how it gives life to everyone and everything.

I will go there for the night there does not have any secret.

They are long and cold and one part of them is nature, always.
Then I would go up in the sky.

It is foolish to think about flying.

But I like the feel of wind thrashing against my face,

And how it makes my eyes watery.

I will go up in the sky to see how blue they can be,

And what is the point where blue gives way to black.
The point of no return.

Everyone is going there, alone.

I am included too.

But not today or tomorrow,

But someday definitely.

I will go to many places.

I will even go in the future with this baggage of past.

Maybe I will see this longing as it comes to everyone.

And hope.

I will hope for everything good.

But I will not mind bad sometimes.

Beautiful Things

Beautiful things kill you.
Sometimes they are swift
And sometimes they take their sweet time.
But since we know
What we will find in the end,
We should like them with caution.
Take the snow for example,
The whiteness in front of you will seem pure,
And fluffy.
But once you taste its likeness to the raw edge,
You will run away from it,
Back to your grounds where spring stays forever.

Beautiful things despise the average things of world.
They do not know
That the world itself is average.
A pale reflection of what it was supposed to be.
It isn’t what we thought.
And it’s good because we have time.
I suppose we can make it whole
Before we give it to the ones
Who are next in line.
Thoughts are not beautiful
That’s why I have them.
It is noble that we should save the Earth.
I do not. We will not.

The Earth looks beautiful from space.
It should have beautiful things with it.
They should stay.
We are average folks and
This is the world we inherit.
We are meant to go.
Forever doesn’t mean being stubborn.
It means the beauty of moments shouldn’t stay.
We should go.
Now.

Sunday Talks

Mind has thoughts. They range from funny to ridiculous. When I get tired, I sit down and watch them. They grow and fight each other to gain prominence. There are so many of them, it never stops.

One such thought occured today. I wanted to cry, though I didn’t feel like crying. There wasn’t any reason. My belly was full, and I was lying down after talking with friends. The only absurdity was this sudden thought and it persisted.

I haven’t cried since, I don’t remember. I shed some tears after watching Hachiko, but it was more of an involuntary reaction. I rummaged through present affairs, to see if there’s anything worth crying about. Life isn’t fair, but it’s likable. Even the ghosts of past were living Sunday. So… I laughed. It was a good laugh.

The thought went away soon. But the absurdity is still here. I imagined myself as a preacher. One who tells folks that life isn’t fair and they should search their memory for funny things. Truth is, none would listen. Ergo, I laugh alone.

Going Crazy

I sit by the wall
And look up
These sounds speak
Once again
They speak to each other
And tell things
One says that the girl
Whom you rejected
Scorns you
Other says that the girl
Isn’t even aware
Of your existence
One says that you will
Be punished
For this sin
Other says that you’re
Ugly and no woman
Ever spoke to you
One says people see through you
And they know you’re fake
Other says you are always mistaken for who you are
One says that your behaviour
Is weird and it puts people off
Other says that you are too bland
And people don’t like you around
These sounds
Aren’t mine
I think they belong to someone
Who look like me
But isn’t me
But how can this be
I don’t know
All that I know is
I’m going crazy