I Pretend

I come across a person
Whether on internet or in real life
It doesn’t matter

So i meet him or her
I talk to them
I always try to show off
Because a look at me
And people always think I am a loser
I don’t want it to be the case
Even if it’s in my head
So i show off
I say big things
I read somewhere
Name big persons
Who aren’t known to me
I do all of this
Acknowledging
I sound fake
And the other person
Can sense it

But what can i do
I have to show off
If i don’t
Then i despise them
For no clear reason
Other than the lunacy
That they’re better than me
At certain things
And I
Who is the best human
To walk this Earth
Is not equal to them.

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Late Night Rant

The clock tells it’s 12 A.M. Midnight. Or new day. I don’t care. Silence is here. I like silence.

I was sleeping. Something woke me up. I saw around. No one was present. I tried sleeping again. It didn’t come. Tried everything. Drank water, took a short walk, listened to music, read something; sleep eluded me. And now I feel mad. All day I have to slog through to forget this wasteland and now when I was just about to do it, something woke me up.

Bad dreams. There ain’t a thing like that for me. No dream is as scary as life. And people are stupid. They talk continuously. They talk about how they find relationships and dealing with other people difficult. People are stupid. I couldn’t say it straight to their face. They’d punch me. They talk much and listen little. Everyone does so. This is the problem. No one wants to listen and everyone talks. What a circus.

Memories. I remember them. Little piece of situation stuck in head. It comes at odd times. Makes me useless. It slows me down. Too much for remembering. Now people say memories are good and bad. Keep the good ones and forget the bad ones. I said earlier that people are stupid. They really are. Memories are just time wasted doing something and time wasted again later remembering it. I reek with cynicism.

Love is fake. Or people are. Anyways, both are fake. Belittling self everytime. Telling self they aren’t good enough for someone. Crying over things. Showing affection. Later bitterness. Waiting for the perfect one to arrive. Listening to these romantic songs. Having expectations which are always unmet. Feeling low continuously because an idiot did or said something hurtful. Then picking yourself up. Loving one. Hating him/her later. Late night chats faking intimacy. Always smiling to hide insecurity. Falling in love and then falling out. Feeling low, depressed, dejected. Then the journey of picking up pieces begin. And the worst thing. This shitshow never ends. Everytime you have your head up, there is some stupid trying to mess with it. For all love is, a con job of mind. Heart pumps blood. Mind is messy.

Untitled

There is so much anger
In me that i want to spray
Kick my feet against a wall
Or even start a brawl
I just couldn’t care enough
To listen things people bluff.
Good things are good
Bad things ain’t bad
Who taught you this
I ask you beforehand
Before i tell my tale
In my half baked attempts
Things might come to me
Which i was unable to say
There was this love
For whom i used to care a lot
Now it is dead in there
It pains but it hurts me not
All these feelings inside
Bottled up against pride
Too heavy to take a fall
And this thing indeed takes a toll.
I too used to be a human like you
But overtime I changed
There is a mist
Which I can’t see through
The glass is fogged
The future I haven’t seen
Present is pathetic scene
If i try to describe
What i write
Why i pen down something
Or something i inscribe
I might say anything
But I choke when I see her glide.