I write words together. Take their literal meaning and, Get them inside whatever brain you have. Life is hell, for us, And no, we are not the chosen ones for this honor. You can have this honor too. But I do not want to share it with anyone. I have it and I want to keep it. To myself and I want to die with it. It ain’t gold so it would not get expensive with time. It ain’t living so it will never die. No one exactly knows what it is. So the thing unknown is useless. I am keeping this forever. I won’t give it you. And I would not even tell anyone of it’s existence. Because the basic nature of people, Is they want the things for which they have no use. Here. You have it. You have no use for it, so, Let me keep it. Let me. Because it will make you like me. And I am alone and I want to be alone, Despite this knowledge that loneliness kills. This slow poison is deep within me. And I have rejected the cure again and again. So think before you come and ask for it. I am keeping it forever.

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जै रामजी की

इस कहानी में एक लड़का-लड़की है। वो एक-दूसरे को प्रेम करते है या नही, ये मुझे नही पता है। पास खड़े बंदे ने मुझे यही बताया कि एक लड़का और एक लड़की है।

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Beautiful Things

Beautiful things kill you.
Sometimes they are swift
And sometimes they take their sweet time.
But since we know
What we will find in the end,
We should like them with caution.
Take the snow for example,
The whiteness in front of you will seem pure,
And fluffy.
But once you taste its likeness to the raw edge,
You will run away from it,
Back to your grounds where spring stays forever.

Beautiful things despise the average things of world.
They do not know
That the world itself is average.
A pale reflection of what it was supposed to be.
It isn’t what we thought.
And it’s good because we have time.
I suppose we can make it whole
Before we give it to the ones
Who are next in line.
Thoughts are not beautiful
That’s why I have them.
It is noble that we should save the Earth.
I do not. We will not.

The Earth looks beautiful from space.
It should have beautiful things with it.
They should stay.
We are average folks and
This is the world we inherit.
We are meant to go.
Forever doesn’t mean being stubborn.
It means the beauty of moments shouldn’t stay.
We should go.
Now.

Sick

It is 11 P. M. I am up. Sleep is nowhere.

This world. I don’t know what kind of a place this was, and has become. I was reading newspaper, the Hindustan Times. I saw this news and now mind is sick.

I am not sure of the feeling I have right now. It’s mixed. There’s disgust, rage, shame and a lot more I can’t recognise.

I want to write long paragraphs, condemning these horrible acts. I can’t. I am numb with an inability to act on anything specific.

Tales from Moneypur ; A dateless diary entry

Dear Diary,

Now that my day is about to get done, I think it will be good, looking at it in retrospect.

I woke up and grabbed my phone. The same routine I follow every damn day. Checking facebook and whatsapp to see if there is anything new for me, but there isn’t any. The room is cold and the weather is harsh against my skin. Bed is warm and comforting, the place to be this morning.

I left bed. I had to, as I couldn’t have breakfast there. I finished it, and went to take a bathe. The water was cold. It took me a lot of time to prepare myself. It was dramatic. First I poured a little water on my hands, and splashed it against my chest. Forget hairs spiking straight, the splash felt like someone hit me with a shoe with all of his might. It was useless asking myself to remind that It’ll be soon over. But I lived through that.

I went to College and met people. Meeting them was pleasing. I have never seen a human so happy to see me. Perhaps they don’t know the real me and I’m yet to disappoint them.

In College, there is a queer fella named Shiv Fazilpuriya. I like my intuition. First glance I had at him and I knew that he was a moron. I didn’t know till today. I didn’t know because I am an idiot. I don’t want people to judge me and yet I judge them. Trilok walked up to me and shot his breadth at me. His breadth made me miserable. That tomfool was drunk. He kept saying that her bachcha shouldn’t know this. I wanted to slap him, but I stopped myself. It is beyond my wits why people drink to make an idiot of themselves. They exude idiocy even when they are sane.

Sight at College was depressing. A great many couples were there. They sat together, hushed and giggled occasionally. Even Aksh was with Khushi. What did they talk about? Maybe they were telling each other Whatsapp joke. Whatever they did, it made me uncomfortable. It was evident. Each one of the boys was with a girl. Holding hands, laughing, looking at each other. They looked happy together. And I was alone. I hate to admit it, but I also want someone. I should talk to a girl, but I couldn’t. I look at many girls. They look good. But mind is blank when I try to chat with them. Perhaps I have been in my cocoon for so long that I have forgotten what it is like to connect with a girl. Perhaps I like being lonely, but I don’t fancy it.

I was coming back home in a bus. The Bus was filled with a lot of people. They were talking, mostly about government and its decision to discontinue ₹500 & ₹1000 note. Some appreciated the movie, some criticized it. A fella talked about how it will curb black money. Another talked about its funny aspects. I refrained myself from indulging. Even though I did nothing but listened to them, it felt good to b e a part of the common man discussion. I also noticed that common man is truly common. He isn’t keen on discussing which religion is better or who has received filmfare awards. When the day ends, most of us are happy being us, caring for our family.

Yours,
Nithash

Pal Chin

यादों से ना भागूंगा मैं
उनको मैं फिर से जीऊंगा
कंठ कठोर औंठ शुष्क
उस आनंद वर्षा का जल मैं पीऊंगा।

आप आज यादो में तशरीफ़ लाये हो,
कुछ खट्टे पलो को कड़वा ना बनाऊंगा मैं,
हँसता खेलता ना कभी विचलित होने वाला मैं
निष्प्राण जग में रौनक लाऊंगा मैं।

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Turning 20

Today’s my birthday. I have turned 20. Not a teenager anymore.

A man. I doubt it. I am still unable to grow a beard out of this stubble and do not get me started about my physique. For the manly traits, I do not know. So I am still pretty much a boy.

I don’t know if i am lost or just wandering.

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