Thank You!

I checked out my notifications today. I have fifty followers now. I thank each one of you, for tolerating the nonsense I post often. Also thanks to people who comment and reply to my comments, for it is just good to know.

Two years ago, I made this blog. Then, it was just a place where I would come and complain. It was my escape from real world.

Blogs felt awkward at first. There were blogs which had multitude of followers, posts, comments and likes. I’d like that for myself, I thought then. Who wouldn’t? A constant stream of praise and good things. Everyone would’ve wanted it if they could have it. And there were people who had it. How? What did they do? I didn’t know then and I don’t know now. Maybe it was posts which people found resonating with their inner desires and thoughts. Or people actually like to connect with each other over similar likes. I don’t know. For me, it is things I like and gratitude. Gratitude for people who took time to type each word and helped me have a good time.

I AM A GODDAMN WRITER
I so want to call myself a writer and a poet. I am not. Mind knows a million things I’d like to be. It’s like I want to be everything, without doing anything.

I respect writers and poets. I hold them in high esteem. I’m led to believe, that all people deep down are alike. Confused and dazed in chaos of emotions. Unsure about things they want and their needs. And we do a nice job pretending we are normal. It’s like we hide ourselves from each other. Perhaps our minds make us do it. All of this happens everytime. So when I see one human who has got his/her emotions clear and can talk about them in detail with fellow people. One who can make people realise that it is perfectly fine to be afraid of life and unknown. I believe these people are good human beings.

I must end this post now.
If you’re still reading this, then I’d like you to know that I am thankful to you for time you spent reading this nonsense.

Problems of A Common Man

Problem. It is a harmless word in itself. But the burden it carries is phenomenal. I don’t like it. The untold rule of generalisation is, if I don’t like a thing, then people don’t like it. Going by this rule, it is evident no one likes problems.

Things I have Problem With
Everything which I don’t like or find irksome, I have a problem with.

But I’m a sane human. I know problems are a part of life. It is inseparable. Life has a problem. Solve it and another comes. Life is  spent on this. But if every problem is solved, then life’s a big scary unknown. And again going by the untold rule of generalisation, no one would like that. So I remain content with my life. I have problems. And I know how to cope with them. But still there are some things which are so ugly, it is impossible to ignore them. They are meant to be hated blindly. These things are numerous, and the untold rule of generalisation tells me that everyone would like to know them.

So without further ado, here they are.

Politicians
I love Politics, but I hate politicians. Politics is a good thing. It is a tool we need to deal with some of our problems. I love it. I love it for the simple fact that it is meant for humans to engage in finding solutions for their problems in a civilised way. I also love it for the fact that it saves me from continuous pestering by my old man, as he leaves me alone when he discusses it with his tea-friends enthusiastically.

So I hate politicians. Everyone does. But I am not in this hate-fest like everyone. I have valid reasons.

Election comes, along with politicians. The politician then visits homes of common people. He promises them a bright future. A future where ‘vikas’ is everywhere. A future where the common man won’t have to lose his slippers to Govt. Offices. And the common man believes it. He votes for him. He makes him MP & MLA. He hopes that politician will work for him and will take decision which will make his life easier. But reality is bitter. All they do is bitching about each other, kadi ninda, throwing chairs at each other, scams, and occasionally sleeping in Parliament. Post-election, they are nowhere to be seen and so are their promises.

This is a valid reason for hating them. But I don’t hate them for it.  The profession of politician requires a man to do certain things. Now it’s a totally different matter that the things are fooling common man with fake promises and visiting their homes. They do them to be a politician. Now hating a person for being true to himself is wrong. And I’m optimistic that under this facade of a politician, is a person who is another common man. A man who earns and cares for his family.

The Perks of being a Wallflower Politician
The profession of politician is a lucrative one. And it has numerous perks.

By being a politician, one receives infinite ‘ijjat’ and garlands wherever he goes. He attracts people. People come to him like a pan spit to the Govt. Office’s walls. People continuously say big things about him and even then he stays humble and down to earth. He accepts what people say but never lets it get to his head. He is always fighting a battle between between being humble and having a puffy ego. And he always stays humble. It is not known how he does it. Perhaps this struggle is what makes him a great man and we read about him in our books.

Another perk a politician has is, they don’t even have to try to become famous. The smallest of oddity or happening to them makes headlines and breaking news. It is like the profession of politician changes a person’s DNA. It changes them on a cellular level. They attract attention without even trying. What’s more, they pass it on to their kids in ‘virasat.’

Another perk a politician has, is job and financial security for himself and his upcoming ‘saat pushtein.’ Even God is yet to see a politician doing another job and his kids always seem to follow him. And this is a big perk. The way one politician makes the lives of seven generations easier is a commendable task. And this definitely makes him a great man. It is rare when a person thinks for someone other than himself before doing a work. If above is not the reason, then this is definitely why we read about him in our books.

I hate politicians for these perks they have. I hate them because they have it and I don’t. I hate politicians because I am not one.

Even though I am not one yet, I am trying to become one. And I do it constantly. Perseverance is the key to success.

Selfie Kisne Li Hai Aaj

I don’t like selfies. Not for the simple fact that my selfies never turn out good. Also not because I want to be different from the herd by having a different viewpoint.

image

Edward Norton in Birdman

I visit a place. Be it a Cinema Hall, a Public place or anything which attracts people. There, I see people, with their hand holding phone stretched out, and they look at it. They make sure that apart from their face, the background is also nice. They do all this while forgetting the place where they’re present in the moment. I have this notion, that people should experience things. They should experience its essence. And when it’s done, then click pictures. Sure a picture is worth thousand words, but people dear to you whom you show your selfies, maybe they like the sound of your voice too.

So, I don’t like selfies because most of the time they distract people from real experience. This is a valid reason, along with the two stated above.

Dhinchak Pooja and Selfie Usne Li Thi Us Din
In today’s fast world, I am an alert citizen. I keep myself updated with all the latest happenings and trends. And this is how I tell a day spent looking at memes.

A few days back, I was going through new youtube videos. A good part of my youtube feed was filled with dhinchak Pooja. She had uploaded a new song, ‘selfie maine le li aaj.’ And there were videos mocking her. I saw ’em and had some laughs. I also the original song. And later, in summation, I had these following thoughts.

1. Internet is an uncertain place. It has no pre-defined rules about liking or disliking a new thing.

2. People should respect each other’s opinion or work, even when they don’t like it.

3. This song is the worst piece of music I have heard. And people are right in mocking, roasting and bashing it.

Thoughts run wild like a group of cattle
Holidays are days when one can afford to waste time to his/her heart’s desire.

I think too much than I ought to think. And most of my thoughts are weird and stupid. I thought about this ‘selfie’ song. And i had several thoughts. Below are some of them.

1. There is a prevailing notion among people, that India is getting intolerant. They fear that their freedom of speech and expression is muffled. Maybe they think that a mob of people, who doesn’t agree with their opinion, will thrash them.
This song proves them wrong. The  people of India are tolerating this song. There is no unrest among people due to this song. Sure, there are videos online mocking her. But the point is, she is free to release her song and people are free to criticise it. Freedom of speech and expression is still here. There are no angry people on road due to this song.

2. For sometime, chinese companies like Oppo, Vivo, Gionee, Huawei and Xiaomi, has been heading our mobile phone market. Thanks to their ads focused on selfies and their splurging, they have done it successfully. It has been bad for swadeshi phone companies like Micromax and karbonn. People never liked Micromax. And now they’ve conveniently forgotten about it.

Dhinchak Pooja is a hardcore nationalist. She was deeply saddened to see our swadeshi phone companies fail. Vivo, Xiaomi and other chinese companies are successful because they emphasise heavily on how great their selfie camera is. Now, thanks to her selfie song, people will stop taking selfies. So they won’t buy chinese phones which excel in capturing selfies. It will drive down the sales of chinese companies, and thus, our swadeshi mobile companies will emerge again.

Why Am I Single

आजकल रात को कई बार नींद खुल जाती है। उठकर एक लंबी उबासी लेता हूँ। आसपास देखता हूँ तो पाता हूँ की सन्नाटा पसरा है।
एक दोस्त को जब ये बात बताई तो उसने  कहा कि भाई तुम्हे प्यार हो गया है। एक पल हमने ये सुना, दूसरे पल उसको दुत्कारा। पर तीसरे पल मैं खुद सोच में पड़ गया। बात में सत्यता कुछ नहीं तो झूठ भी कुछ नहीं है।

प्यार। इस मर्ज की बात करे तो अगर गीत, संगीत और उनसे जुडी चीजो की देखे तो आजकल का युवा इससे पीड़ित है। जो इससे पीड़ित नहीं है वो इससे होना चाहते है। पर चूँकि लेख में मुद्दा हमने उठाया है, तो हम ही बात करेंगे।

आजतक हमसे प्यार ना पाया गया। इसको पाने के लिए प्रचलन में जितने तरीके है, सबको आजमाकर देखा गया था। ज्यादातर हमारे सन्दर्भ में नाकामयाब रहे तो कुछ-एक चलन से बाहर हो चुके थे। जैसे की पुराने वक़्त में जब बन्दा किसी लड़की के साथ टकराता था, तो लड़की के हाथों में से पन्ने-किताबें पद जाते थे और जब वो दोनों उन्हें समेटते थे, तब उनकी नजरें चार हो जाती थी और फिर धीरे-धीरे उनमे प्यार पनप जाता था। हमने इस नुस्ख़े को आजमाने की जुर्रत की। किताबें पड़ी तो सही पर जब बटोरने का समय आया तो तो हमे होश नहीं और हम सीधे चले आये। पीछे से स्टुपिड इडियट जैसा भी कुछ सुना। जब ये वाकया हुआ, तब हमारा दूसरे प्रचलित नुस्खों से भी भरोसा उठ गया और हमने उन्हें तुरंत प्रभाव के साथ त्याग दिया।

जब पुराने प्रचलित नुस्खों से हमारे उद्देश्य की पूर्ती ना हुई, तब हमने नए सिरे से सोचना शुरू किया। पुरानी बातों से कुछ मिला ना मिला, पर सबक जरूर मिला था।

नए सिरे से सोचने पर पहले लगा की 20 बरस तक भी हमें एक कन्या के साथ का सौभाग्य ना मिला, तो इसके पीछे जरूर ना जरूर कायनात का हाथ है। कायनात की नहीं तो कम से कम हमारे सदा ज्वलनशील पड़ोसियों का तो हाथ जरूर है।

नए सिरे से सोचा तो कुछ ना मिला। देखा तो कुछ-कुछ समझ में आया। हरियाणा में मेल-फीमेल सेक्स रेश्यो सदा ही कम रहा है। हालांकि बीते वक़्त में इसमें कुछ सुधार आया है, पर फिर भी चिंताजनक है। याददाश्त टटोल कर पाया की हरियाणा में शायद 1000 लड़को पर 861 लड़कियां थी। यानी की 139 लड़के रंडुए। उन 139 में से मैं भी एक।

मुझे रंडुआ बनाने में कायनात का हाथ है। साथ ही ज्वलनशील पड़ोसियों का भी। शुरुआत से ही उपरवाले से शिकायत थी की उसने मेरे लिए किसी को नहीं बनाया। अब पाता हूँ क़ि उपरवाले ने अपना काम सही किया। ये तो नीचेवाले है जो स्यापा कर बैठे। कोख में ही मार डाला होगा बेचारी को। और साल-दर-साल ना जाने कितनी बेचारियां हुई होंगी। पूरी वजह अब समझ में आई।

बात अब हम मान चुके है की रंडुए ही रहेंगे। पर फिर भी दिल है की मानता ही नहीं है। हर एक खूबसूरत चेहरे को देखते ही खुश हो जाता है। मानो कुछ तलाशता है। शायद दिल को फैक्ट्स समझ में नहीं आते है। इसे अभी भी लगता है कि ये 139 नहीं, उन 861 बन्दों में से एक है।

खैर जब तक ना मिले, हम ढूँढ़ते रहेंगे। बड़ी अच्छी चीज बताया है इश्क़ को।

A Good Day

I have just woken up from a deep slumber. Something shook me. It is like, there is a burden on my conscience I can’t get rid of easily.  Writing, maybe, will help me here.

The Day
Today was a simple day. I woke up, got dressed and reach College. The traffic was less than usual. The roads were less occupied.

I reached College and started going after teachers for signatures. I needed them for my important work. I agree being a little selfish asking them for it. Two months have happened since I took their lectures.

While I was there, a friend asked me for help. The help was making lists. College was hosting an Inter-College debate competition. And as soon as I knew it, I was writing down names of students who were in it.

I have always loved competitions. I love helping people. And I love receiving appreciation for it. The funny thing is, no one appreciated me or anything. No one. Nada. For everyone I met today, save for one person, everyone took me for granted. I felt the amount of work done in organising an event. I felt what those people go through. People come and go. All without taking a second to thank a nameless and faceless person who arranged their seat or offered them water.

The online and offline dilemma
I wrote down names. Names of students from neighbouring college and my College. And there were names I remembered. I remembered them because they were interesting people. People whom I wanted to talk with. Now it’s a different matter all of them were girls.

I am here to generalise my fellow young fellas.
Life, in its monotone, is boring. It is people who make it worth living. And there are times when you are engrossed with a person that you want more of them. But we walk around with a shyness so great that we are simply unable to go upto them and ask for it. Now it is different if we gets turn down, but the gist is that we strived for what we wanted. Now we’ve taken shyness into picture, it is essential to include the fact that I also lack the courage to talk to a girl.

I didn’t talk to them. But I remembered their names. I reached home and searched them on facebook. And when I visited their profile, it was starkly opposite to my expectiations.

Today, there was this girl who was headstrong and confident. It was evident in the way she talked and spoke during the debate. She was beautiful too, breathtakingly beautiful. It was like she personified beauty. Hair tied in a ponytail and the occasional giggles. The eyes behind the specs. The aura she had. Truth be told, I am unable to explain how beautiful a girl is.

So when I visited her profile, there were pictures which had inspirational quotes. Inspirational quotes for a girl to remember she’s beautiful the way she is. It felt like she was doubtful about herself. There wasn’t one, but multiple of the same kind. It was aweful, seeing someone doubt their wonderful individuality. Society, what have you done.

Now let’s tackle the question that why do I stress so much on what a person has put up on their facebook.
Facebook is like a commodity for today. It is amazing too. It offers one the independence to say what he wants to say without any sort of fear of getting judged by people for it.

Now what I want to say is, social media is a platform for our thoughts. It has become a medium for us to express ourselves. So naturally, our facebook profile is an extension of our existence and what we post is things we want to say or tell people. Or rather taken as.

If thoughts above sound stupid to you, then please tell me.

A bit about stalking
Above here I have talked about looking up a girl’s facebook profile. And honestly it sounds a lot like stalking.

The thing with me is, a talk with an interesting person makes my day rather than seeing them. And real life doesn’t always align itself to my expectations. So while looking up them online, what I merely want is a glimpse of the goodness they are and what they are like.

Work be of any kind, it is the intentions with which they are done which makes them good or bad. And here, I cross my heart and (figuratively) I am ready to walk through burning pyre if it helps me in conveying that my intentions were good.

A good thing
The debate was good. The result was a mess.

Now there was this girl from Govt. College sector 14. She was enchanting and when she spoke, one was forced to pay attention. Such powerful her public speaking was.

When the debate was done and they were ready to go home, I walked up to her and said that she did good today. She thanked me. Perhaps she knew how awesome she was and was just being modest about it. Anyways, she made my day better. Count the little blessings they say. Her thank you was the best little thing today.

Now I am shy around girls and I still wonder how I talked to her. But for the moment, I am just glad that I talked.

LOVE LOVE LOVE

There is an ache in my heart. I am not being poetic, just speaking figuratively. I think I have fallen in love.

बीते सात दिन घर से बाहर थे। कल रात घर आया। सुबह सबने पूछा, कहाँ थे? जवाब मे इतना कहा की यही था। अब यही के रूप में तो मुझे खुद नहीं पता की किसको क्या कहूँ। दूसरो की लिखी बातों को सच मानता हूँ, तो शायद कुछ सच लिखने की जुर्रत करू।

मेरे 7 दिन एक कैंप में बीतें। कैंप किस चीज का था, ये ना बताऊंगा। अपने तक रखूँगा। बस यह जान लो की कॉलेज में था। अगला मुद्दा यह की इस कैंप में, सात दिन में, मैं काफी तौर पर ढला और बदला।

सात दिन पहले
मेरी कैंप में जाने की कोई ख्वाहिश ना थी। 8 बजे पहुँचना था। मंजिल दूर थी तो घर से एक घंटे पहले निकलना जरुरी था। अब 7 बजे अनमने ढंग से अनमने काम के लिए निकलना मुझे किसी बुद्धिमता वाला काम ना लगा। पर दोस्तों का जोर था, तो करना पड़ा।

8 बजे से कुछ समय पहले ही कैंप पहुँच गया। थोड़ी देर बाद और जनता आने लगी। फिर इसमें थोड़ी देर और लगाकर गुरूजी भी आ गए।

सारे स्टूडेंट्स आ चुके थे। हम दरी के ऊपर पेड़ के नीचे बैठे थे। हवा मंद पर शीतल थीं। किसी किसी वक़्त जब देह से टकराती तो थोड़ी सिहरन सी दौड़ जाती। पर धूप पूरे शबाब पर थी। शरीर से टकराके उसे झुलसाती नही पर गर्माती थीं। उस पल अच्छा लगता था।

हम सब लाईनो में बैठे थे। एक और लड़के तो दूसरी और लड़कियां। जैसी की  जवानी की चुल्ल है कि विपरीत लिंग वाले इंसान को सदा प्रभावित करना है। ठेठ शब्दों में लड़को को लड़कियो को सेट  करने के चक्कर में सब लड़के कुछ ना कुछ कर रहे थे। एक दूसरे के ऊपर पॉइंट मार रहे थे, व्हाट्सअप जोक्स का जोर से उच्चारण कर रहे थे और इन सब के बीच हो-हो करके हंस भी रहे थे। एक बार बात हो जाए बस कुछ यूँही पूरा जोर लगा रखा था। इन सब के बीच मैं मोबाइल में नजरें गड़ायें बैठा था। लड़कियों से बात करने में झिझक सदा अंदर रही थी, पर अब फटती थी। सो इसके डर से मुँह बंद था और नजर नीचे।

टीचर आये। आकर उन्होंने कैंप के बारे में थोडा बताया। बताया की क्यों हम वहां थे, हम वहां क्या करेंगे, हमे क्या करना चाहिए इत्यादि। किताबी सवालो के सभी जवाब उनके पास रटे-रटाये थे, वो बता रहे थे। असली सवाल जैसे की लड़कियो से बात करवाने को कहने की हिम्मत हम में ना थी, तो हम पूछ नहीं रहे थे।

जैसे उनका कहना शुरू हुआ, हमारा समाप्त हुआ। हम सबको परिचय देना था, और वो भी स्टेज पर जाकर। स्टेज से मुझे बचपन से डर लगता रहा है। वो अब भी लगता है। स्टेज पर जाकर विचार थम जाते हैं और मुँह बंद हो जाता है। मुझे बचपन में लगता था की किसी शोर मचाती क्लास को चुप कराने का साहस अच्छा तरीका था की उसे स्टेज पर चढ़ा दिया जाए। खैर सब परिचय दे रहे थे। पहले एक लड़का, फिर लड़की। मेरी बारी आने वाली थी, पर मुझसे पहले एक लड़की की बारी थी।

वो उठी और स्टेज पर गयी। नजरों को वो सुन्दर लगी। अत्यंत सुन्दर। पर जब उन्होंने बोलना शुरू किया तो सच में, दिल आ गया उनपर। हर शब्द उनके मुख से जो निकला, जब मैंने सुना तो लगा की दुनिया कितनी बेहतर जगह है। उनकी बात जब तक समाप्त ना हुई नजरें उन पर रही। ज्यादा कुछ ना कह पाउँगा उनकें बारे में, अगर कोशिश भी करूंगा तो सब बनावटी लगेगा। फेक लगेगा। पर ऐसा नहीं है। बात यह की औरतो की प्रशंसा में पहले ही बहुत कुछ लिखा या कहा जा चुका है और जिंदगी ने पहले इसके ज्यादा मौके ना दिए की किसी औरत की प्रशंसा कर पाऊं। पर कुछ लिखूँ तो शायद उनके लिए कम हो। वो अपना परिचय हंस कर दे रही थी। खुश लग रही थी। एक किताब उनके सामने रखी थी। उसमे एक पल देखती तो फिर बोलती। अपने बारे में उस किताब में लिखा होगा। और लिखा होगा तो जरूर वो पढ़ती भी होंगी। मन में ख्वाहिश हुई की उनसे बात हुई तो किताबों के बारें में जरूर बतियाएंगे। इस बीच उनका बोलना समाप्त हुआ तो तालियां गूंज उठी। हमने भी अंत तक बजायी। दिल को तो पहले ही पसंद थी, अब दिमाग ने भी हामी भर दी थी।

अगली बारी मेरी थी। डरते, गिरते, पड़ते स्टेज पर पहुँचा। वहां जाकर वही काम हुआ। मैं चुप हो गया। इसके बाद क्या हुआ, मुझे पता नहीं। बस मैं लौट आया ये कसम खाता हुआ की मैं अब कभी ऐसे काम ना करूँगा।

खैर पहला दिन बीता। कुछ यूँ बाकी दिन भी बीते। वो नजरो के सामने थी। वक़्त बेवक़्त नजरे घुमाकर दीदार भी किया। सदैव हंसती, खुश दिखती। लगा की धरती पर उनका आना भी हँसते-हँसते ही हुआ था। दो तीन बार उन्होंने स्टेज पर जाकर बोला भी। ख्वाहिश थी सुनते रहे। सुनने के लिए बोलना भी जरुरी है, पर कभी उनसे बात करने की हिम्मत ना हुई। झिझक मुझे ले बैठी। और मैं मेरी झिझक को लेके कोने में बैठ गया। प्यार हो गया लगता था मुझे।

आज आठवाँ दिन है। कैंप ख़त्म हो चुका है। उनकी बातें ख़त्म हो चुकी है। उनके दीदार के मौके समाप्त हो चुके है। पर मेरे विचारो में वो अब भी है। और शायद चिर तक रहे।

रात के 11 बज चुके है। दिन ख़त्म होने को है, तो सच बोलने को जी करता है। और सच ये है की उस वक़्त जब उनके तालिया बजी, तब मैं अकेला नहीं था। भीड़ थी। उस भीड़ में मैं एक गुमनाम चेहरा था। और उस भीड़ में हर एक बन्द उन्ही की बात कर रहा था। अब मुझ में कोई ख़ास बात तो है नहीं। औसत छोटे गाँव का बन्दा हूँ जिसकी कोई वास्तविक पहचान नहीं। खुद को कमतर नहीं आँकता, पर फिर भी सच कहता हूँ। झिझक से मैं उनसे बात भी ना कर पाया। अब जब दिन कट चुके है तो खुद को रात के इस वक़्त में कोसता हूँ।

Happy Belated Birthday Myself

So i turned 21 on the 6th of February. No one wished me or gave me any gift. I wasn’t sad though. I don’t like being sad.

It was evening. 6’o clock something. The daylight was diminishing and the wind was chilly. I was coming back from my friend’s place. In the way, there is a house of a girl who was a classmate of mine. Also, if I remember correctly, she was my first crush. So there was a huge pandal beside her house. I asked my friend about it. She was getting married.

I was not unsettled. A crush changes over time. Heart is a selfish fella.

I take a look at some of my contemporaries. People who shared some part of their life with me in the past. Classmates, former best friends, friends, girls I was in love with, girls who were my senior. The first thing that comes to mind is, puberty has changed them. Second, a lot of them are no more boys and girls. They are adults. Married adults who have responsibilities and kids. Time has changed for everyone.

Now when change comes into picture, comparison comes into picture. No I am not comparing myself with them over how much of material things I have gathered over years or how much of wealth I have accumulated. For, I have none. I am happy for them. But I am a wee bit sad that love is nowhere to be found.

Books, pop songs, romantic movies, looking at couples who go with hands in hands. All these things make me miserable, even if it’s for a second. Love, it is nowhere to be found.